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Joel
16
taking bloody o levels this year
admiralty secondary
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September 2007
October 2007
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Monday, October 29, 2007
i cant believe im gonna say this but exams are actually quite fun..
HAHA kinda sick to think that way.. but the satisfaction of knowing u did better than u expected is just so good..
the papers so far were all kinda easy.. English, chem n math paper 1 were easy..
geography is kinda stupid.. beat about the bush so much dunno how to ask direct questions.. make it so confusing.. but still manageable..
ahwell.. gonna mug for maths paper 2 and (believe it or not) MT..
=)))
HAHA kinda sick to think that way.. but the satisfaction of knowing u did better than u expected is just so good..
the papers so far were all kinda easy.. English, chem n math paper 1 were easy..
geography is kinda stupid.. beat about the bush so much dunno how to ask direct questions.. make it so confusing.. but still manageable..
ahwell.. gonna mug for maths paper 2 and (believe it or not) MT..
=)))
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
13-15 hours of studying a day is really killing me... Zzz.. quite stressed out..
i need a break! but i cant.. after 'o' is my long looooooooong break.. haha
i need a break! but i cant.. after 'o' is my long looooooooong break.. haha
Saturday, October 06, 2007
i didnt think that it would be like this.. the feeling of hopelessness engulfs me like a flame... whats there to life that is so worth living?
so many things u do just make people disappointed even though they made u disappointed first.. u make a promise and try ur very best even if it means getting into trouble to keep it.. yet the other party who made a promise to u does try, but the effort she puts in... i dont know.. she says its hard.. but i've been lying practically my whole damned life... yet i havent lied about anything to her so far...
what sucks more.. is that u think of her as the 3rd most impt person after God and ur parents.. but end up.. she thinks ur nothing... even if u try so hard... ur just nothing but another human being to her.. that is irritating.. or just has alot of problems..
i try to open up to her.. but whenever i do.. i get shoved away.. without her knowing.. she gives me the cold shoulder almost everytime i see her, though it may not be throughout the day, but a portion of the time it will be like that..
i just wish that.. everything will be ok..
hah.. but what am i? a mere speck of dust... being carried away by the wind... nv to be remembered again...
u say u care... am i worth it? i find myself not worth anything.. care.. sympathy.. concern... help... am i worth all these?
i think not..
if promises are so hard to keep why do humans still keep them? and why is it i can keep at least one of them and not forget but she cant..?
it sometimes puzzles me.. im very sure if she puts her heart and soul to it she can do it.. but.. i guess... i just aint important enough for her to put in that effort..
yet i put in the effort to make sure i dun lie to her anymore..
haha.. im so retarded... she doesnt care...
yet.. i cant help it but care for her no matter how cold she is to me.. even when im angry at her.. i cant help but think of how she is feeling.. but does she know all these? i wouldnt know...
the pact:
we will tell each other everything no matter what..
my promises to her:
never lie to her
to break up with her should i stop loving her
quit smoking by february 2008
to trust her
her promises to me:
break up with me should she stop loving me
be more sensitive
dont give me attitude
treat me better
and to trust me..
haha i remembered
bet she forgot the last one..
but nothing is done about it..
i love her.. but she doesnt trust me.. haha.. kinda sucks..
when u put so much effort into smth and not see results..
u just get so fucking discouraged...
maybe she doesnt even notice the distress in me..
she made me make the pact.. but i dun think she's keeping it..
i dont care about what others say anymore..
but when we are in front of others.. there is smth different about her..
when we are along together... she treats me alot better...
maybe she's trying to put up a hard front.. at the expense of me..
but it doesnt matter how i feel anymore.. to me.. im nothing..
what matters now if just her.. and no one else.. cept for God n my parents..
i just want her happy.. but i cant seem to do anything about it..
i just suck... i bring so much hatred and anger with me everywhere..
i just wanna disappear..
so many things u do just make people disappointed even though they made u disappointed first.. u make a promise and try ur very best even if it means getting into trouble to keep it.. yet the other party who made a promise to u does try, but the effort she puts in... i dont know.. she says its hard.. but i've been lying practically my whole damned life... yet i havent lied about anything to her so far...
what sucks more.. is that u think of her as the 3rd most impt person after God and ur parents.. but end up.. she thinks ur nothing... even if u try so hard... ur just nothing but another human being to her.. that is irritating.. or just has alot of problems..
i try to open up to her.. but whenever i do.. i get shoved away.. without her knowing.. she gives me the cold shoulder almost everytime i see her, though it may not be throughout the day, but a portion of the time it will be like that..
i just wish that.. everything will be ok..
hah.. but what am i? a mere speck of dust... being carried away by the wind... nv to be remembered again...
u say u care... am i worth it? i find myself not worth anything.. care.. sympathy.. concern... help... am i worth all these?
i think not..
if promises are so hard to keep why do humans still keep them? and why is it i can keep at least one of them and not forget but she cant..?
it sometimes puzzles me.. im very sure if she puts her heart and soul to it she can do it.. but.. i guess... i just aint important enough for her to put in that effort..
yet i put in the effort to make sure i dun lie to her anymore..
haha.. im so retarded... she doesnt care...
yet.. i cant help it but care for her no matter how cold she is to me.. even when im angry at her.. i cant help but think of how she is feeling.. but does she know all these? i wouldnt know...
the pact:
we will tell each other everything no matter what..
my promises to her:
never lie to her
to break up with her should i stop loving her
quit smoking by february 2008
to trust her
her promises to me:
break up with me should she stop loving me
be more sensitive
dont give me attitude
treat me better
and to trust me..
haha i remembered
bet she forgot the last one..
but nothing is done about it..
i love her.. but she doesnt trust me.. haha.. kinda sucks..
when u put so much effort into smth and not see results..
u just get so fucking discouraged...
maybe she doesnt even notice the distress in me..
she made me make the pact.. but i dun think she's keeping it..
i dont care about what others say anymore..
but when we are in front of others.. there is smth different about her..
when we are along together... she treats me alot better...
maybe she's trying to put up a hard front.. at the expense of me..
but it doesnt matter how i feel anymore.. to me.. im nothing..
what matters now if just her.. and no one else.. cept for God n my parents..
i just want her happy.. but i cant seem to do anything about it..
i just suck... i bring so much hatred and anger with me everywhere..
i just wanna disappear..